New slogans for United Airlines

We have First Class, Business Class, and No Class.

Our prices can’t be beaten...but our passengers can.

We put the hospital in hospitality.

We beat our passengers, not the competition.

We have an offer you can’t refuse. No, really.

Board as a doctor, leave as a patient.

Not enough seating? Prepare for a beating.

And you thought legroom was an issue.

If our staff need a seat, we’ll drag you out by your feet.

We treat you like we treat your luggage.

Fight or flight.

You may have patients, but we don’t have patience.

We have red-eye and black-eye flights available.

Now serving free punch.